Everyone is always like know and find yourself before you get married blah blah blah. I never really understood what that meant so I threw those words in the trash. I was sure my mate would complete me, like literally fill the black holes in my character created since the first breath I took on Earth - because literally everything & anything can cause trauma. I forgot what philosopher said this, but even babies looking out at all of these people bigger than them is traumatic.
I am reading 'Calling In The One', and I am having daily epiphanies as to what it is I actually want in my future husband, at least clues as to who he might be and let me tell you, I get it now!! This would be me too had I gotten married anytime before this very second, but people are getting married for the ABSOLUTE WRONG REASONS. Your person is not supposed to complete you, YOU complete yourself. What does that even mean? You start forming yourself in childhood based on your parents:
YOUR FATHER WAS SUPPOSED TO IDEALLY PROVIDE:
-Financial well being
-Instruction on how to navigate the world
YOUR MOTHER WAS SUPPOSED TO IDEALLY PROVIDE:
-Supportive encouragement to launch into the world
(Source: Calling in the One, Katherine Woodward Thomas)
If you did not get these things, you will end up searching for them in a partner. And bless our parents, they are human too, blaming them is not the answer - everyone is trying their best with the knowledge that they have.
It is not your partner's job to fill your childhood deficiencies. It's YOURS. It's called adulthood. If your father didn't protect you and beat you up instead, protect yourself here in adulthood by committing to setting boundaries so other men do not take advantage of and hurt you. If your mother didn't nurture you, nurture yourself with baths, talk to yourself sweetly.
Whatever is lacking from your youth, that is, whatever you didn't get from the above list you MUST give to yourself. Do not seek it in another or you are sure to build a house of cards, it will all fall apart, because the only thing that is certain is YOU - that is right, your partner will certainly leave you: life happens, death happens
I complete me. I release that my future partner fill something for me - which leaves our life together to be for full on fun and pleasure❤️